i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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