dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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