Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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