You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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