ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
