I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
