erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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