Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
