She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
