the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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