i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
