Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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