i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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