When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
