so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
