it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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