Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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