I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
