just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
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