Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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