Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
