either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
