Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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