if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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