You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
