When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
