Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Just pee around me
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
