I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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