wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
