3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
