If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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