Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
