If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
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