Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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