He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Randomize
