So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
