I didn't shave. On purpose
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
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