why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
