So drunk its hurt
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
