i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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