You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
