So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a little drunk in my system
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize