ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
