i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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