my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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