If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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