be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
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