paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
