maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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