Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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