How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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