is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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