So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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