Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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