YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
