You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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