i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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