Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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