I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default