You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.