and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.