I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen