I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx